Yesterday

"get over it!" "let it go!" are just some of the things people have said to me over the years since finding out about my childhood.  That would be a desired emotion, i would love to get over it. i would love to let it go, and be able to say it didn't happen or it doesn't matter that it happened.  but unfortunately, it isn't as easy as "move on".   Not when every day.. the memories are .. just like ...Yesterday

Yesterday Raped Me

I can't run fast enough from yesterday,
rapes me again, when the thought begins again,
my mind begins to hydroplane,
into those nights of horrid pain,

the things i saw with child's eyes,
the way you had me mesmerized,
i had not a choice,
i had not a voice,

i can't run away from yesterday,
rapes me again,
when i close my eyes 2 sleep,

my memory plays it,
like a dvd on repeat,
it's in high definition sound,
it takes me back, it's all around,

the clock is ticking slow at least,
as i am taken by the beasts,
and shown the things that grown folks do,

but i can't explain the pain 2 you,
why are u trying to help me?
u shouldn't even know this exists,

yesterday rapes me again in the night like
the chill in the evening air,
i swing punches everywhere,
wondering how to make this go away,

to go on with life, not fearing,
not remembering...
yesterday...raping me again