Thursday, December 12, 2013


I haven't reflected or really dwelled on anything from my childhood horror till last night. A dream/memory of a time when I had been locked in a closet for a few days, and only able to eat crumbs and drink stale water(yes, there is a such thing..eww). Johnny opened the closet door and admonished me for the filth, and then gave me a glass of the nastiest lemonade ever. I was SO thirsty that it was gone in an instant. The second I handed him the glass back, he laughed and told Pat "I told you he'd drink it, hahaha!" Pat replied something to the idea that "did u tell him it was poison and he will be dead this time tomorrow?" Johnny laughed and closed the closet door and locked it. I could hear them talking all evening about my "impending demise" and I was so frightened that it was true and I was going to die. I worked myself into such a fever that I was sick and puking all over and I actually felt like I was going to die. I didn't, and a couple more days later when the door was open again, Johnny only said "scared ya, didn't i?" as he and Pat laughed and laughed. 
What they didn't know is that dying would have been a welcomed escape from the house of horrors I was living in. I woke up this morning feeling like I was back in that closet and had to glance around my room and check myself back into reality. For those of you who do not know a horrible terrifying and abusive childhood, I am jealous. For those of you who can relate... Check out "fear" by Blue October. It will help remove some of the poison that the memories leave behind.