Happen (ymmom)

so, in 1996 i told my parents about the abuse i suffered while they were away.. my mom quickly denied it, as if she were there to know. She said immediately.. no, it didn't happen..  hence this next piece.. i wrote it in 2006 when i first was ready to present my autobiography to my parents.  i wanted my mom to know just how bad her denial affected me. 

Happen…(ymmom)

For the first time u looked as if u cared,

Like u knew something was the matter,

U asked me, son what’s the matter,

With u?

I was a little scared at first,

Cos I’d never seen this side of u,

Wondered what happened 2 u,

That u cared  what I was going thru,

But against my better judgment,

Of the way that u would handle this,

I gathered up my fears,

And hid them tightly in a fist,

And when I told u what had happened years ago,

U said oh, no,

This didn’t really happen,

Stop insisting that it  happened,

I won’t believe it ever happened,

Stop lying son, u know,

It didn’t happen,

I should have known those words,

Would follow my admission,

That u’d  bring it back without permission,

I guess for 1 second I believed that u loved me,

But how could someone that loved me,

Treat me so ugly, and say it didn’t happen,

Of course 2 u it didn’t happen,

Cos it happened 2 me,

But u said, oh no, this didn’t really happen,

I won’t believe it ever happened,

Stop insisting that it happened,

Stop lying son, u know,

It didn’t happen,

So when the truth comes knocking on your door,

In the middle of the night round a quarter to 4,

And u feel that pain I felt for fucking years,

Don’t bother calling me, it was u who ignored my tears,

I’m sorry that u can’t see the truth,

And that I ever trusted u!!

Mommy, how could u say,

Oh no this didn’t really happen,

I won’t believe this ever happen,

Stop lying son u know,  stop lying son, u know,

Stop lying son u know this didn’t really

Happen….