ugly

during the 4 years of torment and abuse, i was reminded daily that i wasn't sh*t, that i was ugly, that i wan't worth anything. i was reminded that i never would amount to anything more than what i was at that moment, which was .. for lack of a better word.. dead.. i was a child existing, but not living.  Today I still see myself as the ugly one.  this is why the reason for the name of the blog, the name of my autobiography and my perception of myself.  This piece was written when i was at a really low point in my life in 2007, and the words just spilled onto the screen..

Ugly

I look in the mirror 4 something,

Why no one will ever love me,

I see why, it’s cos I,

Am so goddamned ugly,

Remember all the times they touched me,

The innocence that they took from me,

Turned beauty into disgusting,

Turned a life into nothing,

Mirror mirror on the wall,

Why can’t I have some happiness at all?

Haven’t I paid enough?

Haven’t I been strong, wasn’t I tough enough,

Why don’t you like me?

Shattered hopes and promises,

Things that could will never be again,

Who do you have left,

When you can’t be your friend?

Remembering all the times they touched me,

The innocence that they stole from me,

Turned beauty into disgusting,

Turned a life into nothing,

Mirror mirror on the wall,

Why can’t I have some happiness at all?

Haven’t I paid enough?

Haven’t I been strong, wasn’t I tough enough,

Why don’t you like me?

So, I

Look into the mirror for something,

Why no one ever will love me,

And I see why, it’s cos I,

Am so,

Goddamned ugly…

2007christophersongs