So.. there have been a few things i've learned about, while being separated from the wife for the past 5 months.. i thought since i've been running them over and over in my head, that i might as well blog them, and who knows?, maybe they will help someone else in some way, or be something i can refer to in the future, in case i forget..
1). first and foremost.. if u feel it/say it/do it! - nothing is worse than loving someone, and never knowing how they feel about u. also, saying it is epic, but doing it is way better. doing it is also very easy. listen to them speak, learn what their favorite drinks, snacks, food, movies and music are. then surprise them with those things at random times. never do them when expected, and never announce that u are going to do them.. just do it. nothing says i love u, than a gesture of kindness that was unexpected.
2). WANT.. anyone can love someone.. u can love your brother, sister, mom, dad, pet, neighbor(it's in the 10 commandments, lol) friends, anyone. love isn't really a conscious effort. love happens and we have no control over it. want.. want is a decision that u make. u decide who u want in your life. u weigh the good/bad and make a decision to want that person around. if u want them, maybe instead of saying "i love u" all time, say "i want u". want doesn't immediately bring up a sexual connotation, it simply lets the other person know that u made the decision that, in some way, their life is enhanced or enriched by having u in it.
3). never let a day go by that u don't tell someone how u feel about them. that person may/may not reciprocate, they may be flabbergasted at the fact that u are opening up.. but never let em doubt ur heart for even one day. walls can be built in a day.. and everyday that u don't allow them entry into yours, another wall is built. walls are much harder to tear down, than they are to build. we also aren't promised anymore time on this earth than we have right this second.. tell someone how u feel. it's effortless, really, and makes someone's day.
4). HUGS.. hugs are way more intimate than kissing. hugs can make a bad day a good day. hugs can turn a bad situation good with one firm squeeze. hugs don't have to be reserved for kiddos, adults love them as well, and i'm pretty sure that the person u are in a relationship with, right this second, could use a big warm hug. hugs are taken for granted because people are too selfish..we can all use a hug...don't be selfish with them.
5). listen.. the person u are with is with u because of something u bring to the table, but there are a million and one fish in the sea, who also bring things to the table. if u wanna be the one fish and the only fish, u gotta listen. open your ears and CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! when u listen u will hear things u never heard before.. like... what u haven't been taking care of in the relationship, what u have been doing right, what his/her friends are saying about u or what he/she should do, u can hear in his/her voice all the words they aren't saying.. and when they stop talking and the silence begins screaming.. u better do some serious damage control, and it starts with listeining.
6.) Hear.. plain and simple.. no further explaination is needed... don't just listen...HEAR what's being said.. there are clues scattered out all around u.. HEAR...
7). Hand Holding.. holding hands is like a hug, a hug that u can take with u all day long and still use other fine motor skills like walking without tripping over each other looking silly. take your partner by the hand when u are walking and hold it. walk with them, beside them. showing your partner that u are their partner, not their worden, is easy, walk beside them hand in hand. that gesture let's them know u are gonna be there for them and u are WITH them.
8). OWNERSHIP...most things are our fault. guy or girl, most things are our fault. the problems in a relationship aren't just his/hers...they are ours. if there's an issue, u can bet that it took both of u to get to that point. you did something or they did something that caused a reaction, that caused another action or reaction.. stop it. recognize the problem, talk it out, and take ownersip of what u brought to the table. if it's your bad, why not accept it, apologize, fix it and move on? walls ..there's that word again.. walls are much easier to take down before the heart hardens.
9.) ATTENTION.. this is a biggie. attention will make or break anything u are trying to build in a relationship. if u don't give the other person attention.. rest asurred someone else will. that someone else doesn't even want your partner, they just wanna infiltrate and see how far they can string them along and how much trouble they can cause. the problem with that is, it isn't your partner's issue for getting attention from someone.. it's yours! we all want someone to ask us how our day was, we all want someone to sit with us and watch a movie or tv show, we want someone to BE WITH US!! if u have so much going on that u can't look at, and apprecite the person that u are with enough, to give them any attention.. perhaps.. there's an underlining problem. perhaps one of the other 8 points should have been addressed before now. attention is like breathing.. it should be done all the time to keep the relationship alive. you have to give it to get it. one person isn't going to be the ONLY one doing it ALL THE TIME. Attention isn't sexaul either, it's a combination of the other 8 points i've made. but without it, a relationship is set up for failure.
10). INTIMACY .. do this because u want to share something special with your partner. be intimate because of the connection u feel and acheive by being with them. wheather a deep kiss, making out or sex, don't make the other person feel like it's a chore.. but also don't make the other person feel like they HAVE to do it either. nobody has to do anything with u.. come on.. take a look at yourself.. would YOU do anything intimat...wait.. don't answer that.. lol.. but that MAY be a good thing, cuz if u aren't intimate for the right reasons, u will end up being intimate with yourself more than anyone else.
** i also know there are many many more steps here that i didn't address, but this is my blog, my mind and my words, so there.. lol... these are the things that have ruined relationships for me, so it's more a tool for me than anyone else.. thanks***
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