it's half past one and i can't catch a break,
i'm mentally worn and i just want 2 go 2 sleep,
but there's a few things on my mind,
that my heart is telling me 2 speak,
before i'm 2 weak..
it's about how we're not in Kansas anymore,
got carried away and misplaced by a storm,
and about this pretty yellow brick road,
that u must go...
Dorothy
U'll wish that i had just used my brain,
2 tell my heart 2 have the courage,
2 stand tall thru the rain,
and thru the pain,
and u believe in a wizard,
who can get us home again,
but along the way, u've met awitch,
who's such a mean and evil bitch,
please stay, away..
Dorothy
u've found me once again behind the mask,
behind the curtain,
and that 1 thing known for certain,
is that's not who.. u want from me,
but click ur heels 3 times and u will see,
that in my arms is where u need 2 be,
Home is Me...
Dorothy
i've taken off the mask,
and come out from behind the curtian,
that 1 thing known 4 certain,
is that u won't even recognize me,
Dorothy
so click ur heels 3 times and u will see,
that in my arms is where u need 2 be,
Home is Me...
Dorothy
it's twenty 2 two and i relly need some sleep
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Curtains
Every since Haylee was a baby,
She had big dreams,
Wanted a Nice life,
Wanted some Nice things,
Wanted to have the world in her hands,
That's what her daddy taught her,
She's a good kid,
She's a good daughter,
Worships the ground her family walks on,
She's got this,
One problem his name is Shawn,
That's bein honest,
So while I'm on this,
I'll put u all on my guest list,
Pull up my big boy pants,
And address this,
A one on one conversation,
I request this,
Till then my words like daggers,
Hitting harder than clinched fists,
Look dude,
I ain't saying this to be rude,
But u misused her love,
And now u got some issues,
Best thing u could do 4 her now,
Is to miss u,
Get the fuck out of her life,
A couple tissues,
And then she can move on & be strong,
She'll be so much better when u're gone,
On 2 bigger & better things,
And a life with all the happiness,
It's supposed 2 bring,
Not the tears from the past year,
We told her u were a Playa,
She didn't wanna hear,
So now I'm telling u 2 stay clear,
U see her heart? Stay the fuck away from here,
And I ain't playin,
I'm comin to ya man to man,
And I ain't gangsta,
I'm bringing it 2 ya hand 2 hand,
Taking a stand,
Cuz u're just a predator,
I won't allow u 2 keep on getting her,
Upset, crying,confused, hurtin,
I'm coming out,
Swinging on ur ass for certain,
Just stay away from Haylee,
Or It's curtains!"
**some of the names have been changed***
She had big dreams,
Wanted a Nice life,
Wanted some Nice things,
Wanted to have the world in her hands,
That's what her daddy taught her,
She's a good kid,
She's a good daughter,
Worships the ground her family walks on,
She's got this,
One problem his name is Shawn,
That's bein honest,
So while I'm on this,
I'll put u all on my guest list,
Pull up my big boy pants,
And address this,
A one on one conversation,
I request this,
Till then my words like daggers,
Hitting harder than clinched fists,
Look dude,
I ain't saying this to be rude,
But u misused her love,
And now u got some issues,
Best thing u could do 4 her now,
Is to miss u,
Get the fuck out of her life,
A couple tissues,
And then she can move on & be strong,
She'll be so much better when u're gone,
On 2 bigger & better things,
And a life with all the happiness,
It's supposed 2 bring,
Not the tears from the past year,
We told her u were a Playa,
She didn't wanna hear,
So now I'm telling u 2 stay clear,
U see her heart? Stay the fuck away from here,
And I ain't playin,
I'm comin to ya man to man,
And I ain't gangsta,
I'm bringing it 2 ya hand 2 hand,
Taking a stand,
Cuz u're just a predator,
I won't allow u 2 keep on getting her,
Upset, crying,confused, hurtin,
I'm coming out,
Swinging on ur ass for certain,
Just stay away from Haylee,
Or It's curtains!"
**some of the names have been changed***
American Horror Story
i'm not sure i,
ever felt like this before,
gonna let maddladd,
acquisce to christopher,
time 2 light a candle,
take a seat,
learn thing or 4,
not sure that i can take the bullshit anymore,
mommy stole, got arrested,
daddy got interviewed he got arrested,
left at the pastor's house,
he was trusted and respected,
till he came in2 my room at night,
that was the first time i was molested,
turned on a flashlight,
said u got an option,
it's u or baby sister,
damn,
she was only 1,
and i was her only 1,
i had 2 protect her,
there was no way i was gonna let that motherfucker hurt her,
so i did what i had to,
day in and day out,
no matter the scenario,
had 2 let it play out,
no lock on the door,
no way 2 make him stay out,
this is my this is my this is my,
American Horror Story,
a friend of my mom and dad's came to get us outta hell,
i thought it all was over with,
but that's where i fuckin' failed,
who woulda thought that pastor would have revealed the sin,
that he committed,
that first night away,
the shit started all over again,
fuck!
dear lord up in heaven man,
please take my life and save me from these people man,
the pain i was enduring has never been equalled man,
punched in the face,
forcefully thrown across the floors,
kicked while i was down,
but wait.. hold up.. there's more,
thrown in a closet,
locked in for days at a time,
told i would get it worse,
if i looked anyone in the eyes,
malnutritioned,
my ribs were exposed,
they kept my laundry did,
always had on clean clothes,
but that was just the facade,
they didn't wanna draw attention,
to the pandora's box,
that they kept a 10 year old livin' in,
i remember like it was yesterday,
we picked up their neice Mandi,
from a couple towns away,
she was 14 and she was real cute,
but it didn't take long to know what she was there to do,
threw a blanket in the backseat of that car and gave specific orders,
then when we got home, they pulled out the sofa bed and camcorders,
set em up in the living room and pressed the red button,
and it was on, we had to do whatever they wanted,
i wanted to die,
i could tell that she did to,
but even that night wasn't the last look into my..
American Horror Story,
that shoulda been it, goddman how can a kid survive,
but next up was debbie, jennifer and that night i almost died,
debbie was jealous of me,
she couldn't stand the sight of me,
a beating every night from that hateful bitch was in spite of me,
she punched, kicked, clawed and scratched, bit and strangled,
there were nights that my life was barely just a dangle,
she had the highschool kids,
gang up on me after class,
i couldn't go nowhere 'lest someone tried to beat my ass,
she had the perfect plan, we lived out in the sticks,
she left me home a lone,
and had 2 men come over and try to problem fix,
they had shotguns in hand,
they couldn't get in the door,
i called a friend's dad over,
he made it there just before..
they killed me...
i was 13.. these motherfuckers tried 2 kill me..
i was 13....
now that doesn't bring u completely into my house of horrors man,
this fucking childhood that i've tried to escape from man,
the fucking nightmares comeback to haunt me,
like those demons want me,
they whisper in my ears and love to taunt me,
i wanna get away,
i just wanna get away..
from..my
American Horror Story
ever felt like this before,
gonna let maddladd,
acquisce to christopher,
time 2 light a candle,
take a seat,
learn thing or 4,
not sure that i can take the bullshit anymore,
mommy stole, got arrested,
daddy got interviewed he got arrested,
left at the pastor's house,
he was trusted and respected,
till he came in2 my room at night,
that was the first time i was molested,
turned on a flashlight,
said u got an option,
it's u or baby sister,
damn,
she was only 1,
and i was her only 1,
i had 2 protect her,
there was no way i was gonna let that motherfucker hurt her,
so i did what i had to,
day in and day out,
no matter the scenario,
had 2 let it play out,
no lock on the door,
no way 2 make him stay out,
this is my this is my this is my,
American Horror Story,
a friend of my mom and dad's came to get us outta hell,
i thought it all was over with,
but that's where i fuckin' failed,
who woulda thought that pastor would have revealed the sin,
that he committed,
that first night away,
the shit started all over again,
fuck!
dear lord up in heaven man,
please take my life and save me from these people man,
the pain i was enduring has never been equalled man,
punched in the face,
forcefully thrown across the floors,
kicked while i was down,
but wait.. hold up.. there's more,
thrown in a closet,
locked in for days at a time,
told i would get it worse,
if i looked anyone in the eyes,
malnutritioned,
my ribs were exposed,
they kept my laundry did,
always had on clean clothes,
but that was just the facade,
they didn't wanna draw attention,
to the pandora's box,
that they kept a 10 year old livin' in,
i remember like it was yesterday,
we picked up their neice Mandi,
from a couple towns away,
she was 14 and she was real cute,
but it didn't take long to know what she was there to do,
threw a blanket in the backseat of that car and gave specific orders,
then when we got home, they pulled out the sofa bed and camcorders,
set em up in the living room and pressed the red button,
and it was on, we had to do whatever they wanted,
i wanted to die,
i could tell that she did to,
but even that night wasn't the last look into my..
American Horror Story,
that shoulda been it, goddman how can a kid survive,
but next up was debbie, jennifer and that night i almost died,
debbie was jealous of me,
she couldn't stand the sight of me,
a beating every night from that hateful bitch was in spite of me,
she punched, kicked, clawed and scratched, bit and strangled,
there were nights that my life was barely just a dangle,
she had the highschool kids,
gang up on me after class,
i couldn't go nowhere 'lest someone tried to beat my ass,
she had the perfect plan, we lived out in the sticks,
she left me home a lone,
and had 2 men come over and try to problem fix,
they had shotguns in hand,
they couldn't get in the door,
i called a friend's dad over,
he made it there just before..
they killed me...
i was 13.. these motherfuckers tried 2 kill me..
i was 13....
now that doesn't bring u completely into my house of horrors man,
this fucking childhood that i've tried to escape from man,
the fucking nightmares comeback to haunt me,
like those demons want me,
they whisper in my ears and love to taunt me,
i wanna get away,
i just wanna get away..
from..my
American Horror Story
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
2 the Finish
Who r u 2 let my name leak out ya mouf,
Who are u 2 think It's wise 2 wanna talk about,
Some shit I did,shit I said, or something made up,
Like the people I know gonna give a motherfuck,
U must be high or seriously on some,
Death wish shit,
Who are u, Charles Bronson?
this ain't no high school game,
There ain't a locker room,
I'm a pull heat when I see ya,
And let it go Boom,
Nah,
I ain't a gangster,
But I'll be ur worst menace,
Box ya face till u look like Rocky Dennis,
Dumb ass like Pyle in that Full Metal Jacket,
Make some more racket,
And get ur Fucking Meddling Ass Whipped!
I ain't the one u should be stressin,
Let this lesson be ur point of reference,
I've been calm for 2 long,
But I'm sick n tired of the same things,
Next time I talk about it,
I think imma name names,
Fuck the blame game,
It's ur fault,
Coulda kept ur mouf shut,
Minded ur own business,
And quit givin a motherfuck,
I'm angry,
And u ain't gonna like me when I see u in a minute,
There won't be anything left for u 2 talk about,
We fightin 2 the finish!!
Some say u don't matter and It's all in the past now,
But that ain't stopping thoughts of wanting to beat ur ass down,
I know, I oughta be the bigger man,
But I wanna be all three, judge jury and the motherfuckin' trigger man,
u started this ret***ded shit,
Now I'm on some ol It's time to disarm this bitch,
See u in the streets,
And u gonna live out ya worst days,
Cuz I gotta surprise for u like It's yo motherfuckin birthday,
But it ain't gonna be candles that u pickin out,
It's gonna be a lotta teeth that's falling out ya mouf,
No referee, no fucking gloves,
There ain't no octagon,
Just hatred and brass knuckles squeezed into my fucking palms,
I'm swingin for the fences,
I could give a fuck whos there to witness,
I'll smile for the camera,
This is a fight 2 the finish!!
Who are u 2 think It's wise 2 wanna talk about,
Some shit I did,shit I said, or something made up,
Like the people I know gonna give a motherfuck,
U must be high or seriously on some,
Death wish shit,
Who are u, Charles Bronson?
this ain't no high school game,
There ain't a locker room,
I'm a pull heat when I see ya,
And let it go Boom,
Nah,
I ain't a gangster,
But I'll be ur worst menace,
Box ya face till u look like Rocky Dennis,
Dumb ass like Pyle in that Full Metal Jacket,
Make some more racket,
And get ur Fucking Meddling Ass Whipped!
I ain't the one u should be stressin,
Let this lesson be ur point of reference,
I've been calm for 2 long,
But I'm sick n tired of the same things,
Next time I talk about it,
I think imma name names,
Fuck the blame game,
It's ur fault,
Coulda kept ur mouf shut,
Minded ur own business,
And quit givin a motherfuck,
I'm angry,
And u ain't gonna like me when I see u in a minute,
There won't be anything left for u 2 talk about,
We fightin 2 the finish!!
Some say u don't matter and It's all in the past now,
But that ain't stopping thoughts of wanting to beat ur ass down,
I know, I oughta be the bigger man,
But I wanna be all three, judge jury and the motherfuckin' trigger man,
u started this ret***ded shit,
Now I'm on some ol It's time to disarm this bitch,
See u in the streets,
And u gonna live out ya worst days,
Cuz I gotta surprise for u like It's yo motherfuckin birthday,
But it ain't gonna be candles that u pickin out,
It's gonna be a lotta teeth that's falling out ya mouf,
No referee, no fucking gloves,
There ain't no octagon,
Just hatred and brass knuckles squeezed into my fucking palms,
I'm swingin for the fences,
I could give a fuck whos there to witness,
I'll smile for the camera,
This is a fight 2 the finish!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Quitter
2night live on Facebook,YouTube and Twitter,
Y'all bout 2 c the definition of a Quitter,
1 mo pill to go, 1Last shot,
I'm a give it my all,
Everything that I got,
Everything that I am not,
U would convict me for,
I'm in the dumps,
Like that jackass Eeyore,
It's either leave or be forever in this depress,
So 2night I'm out like I'm motherfuckin Seacrest,
2night live on Facebook,YouTube and Twitter,
Y'all bout 2 c the definition of a Quitter,
Don't blame me,
Blame u for how u treated me,
Spit on me when I was down,
Verbally u were beating me,
Like Christ on his way to the crucifixion,
But u don't wanna take responsibility,betcha still talk about me,
Spread rumors,
Tell the world, it'll be,
Better off without me,
And that's fine, that's Why,
I'm leaving here,
Taking my last breath,
1 mo pill,1 mo shot,
Exit stage left...
2night live on Facebook,YouTube and Twitter,
Y'all bout 2 c the definition of a Quitter,
Boot ur computers up,
Watch it as it unfolds,
Don't bother calling the cops,
The location is unknown,
I'm a go live about,
5 minutes before I go out,
There will be blood,
There will be no doubt,
No confusion,
This ain't no motion pictures horror flick,
This is just a motherfucker who is finally over this,
3...2...1...Live!!
Let's get this fucking over with!
2night live on Facebook,YouTube and Twitter,
Y'all bout 2 c the definition of a Quitter,
***********emotional fiction***
Monday, September 24, 2012
the 10 step program
So.. there have been a few things i've learned about, while being separated from the wife for the past 5 months.. i thought since i've been running them over and over in my head, that i might as well blog them, and who knows?, maybe they will help someone else in some way, or be something i can refer to in the future, in case i forget..
1). first and foremost.. if u feel it/say it/do it! - nothing is worse than loving someone, and never knowing how they feel about u. also, saying it is epic, but doing it is way better. doing it is also very easy. listen to them speak, learn what their favorite drinks, snacks, food, movies and music are. then surprise them with those things at random times. never do them when expected, and never announce that u are going to do them.. just do it. nothing says i love u, than a gesture of kindness that was unexpected.
2). WANT.. anyone can love someone.. u can love your brother, sister, mom, dad, pet, neighbor(it's in the 10 commandments, lol) friends, anyone. love isn't really a conscious effort. love happens and we have no control over it. want.. want is a decision that u make. u decide who u want in your life. u weigh the good/bad and make a decision to want that person around. if u want them, maybe instead of saying "i love u" all time, say "i want u". want doesn't immediately bring up a sexual connotation, it simply lets the other person know that u made the decision that, in some way, their life is enhanced or enriched by having u in it.
3). never let a day go by that u don't tell someone how u feel about them. that person may/may not reciprocate, they may be flabbergasted at the fact that u are opening up.. but never let em doubt ur heart for even one day. walls can be built in a day.. and everyday that u don't allow them entry into yours, another wall is built. walls are much harder to tear down, than they are to build. we also aren't promised anymore time on this earth than we have right this second.. tell someone how u feel. it's effortless, really, and makes someone's day.
4). HUGS.. hugs are way more intimate than kissing. hugs can make a bad day a good day. hugs can turn a bad situation good with one firm squeeze. hugs don't have to be reserved for kiddos, adults love them as well, and i'm pretty sure that the person u are in a relationship with, right this second, could use a big warm hug. hugs are taken for granted because people are too selfish..we can all use a hug...don't be selfish with them.
5). listen.. the person u are with is with u because of something u bring to the table, but there are a million and one fish in the sea, who also bring things to the table. if u wanna be the one fish and the only fish, u gotta listen. open your ears and CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! when u listen u will hear things u never heard before.. like... what u haven't been taking care of in the relationship, what u have been doing right, what his/her friends are saying about u or what he/she should do, u can hear in his/her voice all the words they aren't saying.. and when they stop talking and the silence begins screaming.. u better do some serious damage control, and it starts with listeining.
6.) Hear.. plain and simple.. no further explaination is needed... don't just listen...HEAR what's being said.. there are clues scattered out all around u.. HEAR...
7). Hand Holding.. holding hands is like a hug, a hug that u can take with u all day long and still use other fine motor skills like walking without tripping over each other looking silly. take your partner by the hand when u are walking and hold it. walk with them, beside them. showing your partner that u are their partner, not their worden, is easy, walk beside them hand in hand. that gesture let's them know u are gonna be there for them and u are WITH them.
8). OWNERSHIP...most things are our fault. guy or girl, most things are our fault. the problems in a relationship aren't just his/hers...they are ours. if there's an issue, u can bet that it took both of u to get to that point. you did something or they did something that caused a reaction, that caused another action or reaction.. stop it. recognize the problem, talk it out, and take ownersip of what u brought to the table. if it's your bad, why not accept it, apologize, fix it and move on? walls ..there's that word again.. walls are much easier to take down before the heart hardens.
9.) ATTENTION.. this is a biggie. attention will make or break anything u are trying to build in a relationship. if u don't give the other person attention.. rest asurred someone else will. that someone else doesn't even want your partner, they just wanna infiltrate and see how far they can string them along and how much trouble they can cause. the problem with that is, it isn't your partner's issue for getting attention from someone.. it's yours! we all want someone to ask us how our day was, we all want someone to sit with us and watch a movie or tv show, we want someone to BE WITH US!! if u have so much going on that u can't look at, and apprecite the person that u are with enough, to give them any attention.. perhaps.. there's an underlining problem. perhaps one of the other 8 points should have been addressed before now. attention is like breathing.. it should be done all the time to keep the relationship alive. you have to give it to get it. one person isn't going to be the ONLY one doing it ALL THE TIME. Attention isn't sexaul either, it's a combination of the other 8 points i've made. but without it, a relationship is set up for failure.
10). INTIMACY .. do this because u want to share something special with your partner. be intimate because of the connection u feel and acheive by being with them. wheather a deep kiss, making out or sex, don't make the other person feel like it's a chore.. but also don't make the other person feel like they HAVE to do it either. nobody has to do anything with u.. come on.. take a look at yourself.. would YOU do anything intimat...wait.. don't answer that.. lol.. but that MAY be a good thing, cuz if u aren't intimate for the right reasons, u will end up being intimate with yourself more than anyone else.
** i also know there are many many more steps here that i didn't address, but this is my blog, my mind and my words, so there.. lol... these are the things that have ruined relationships for me, so it's more a tool for me than anyone else.. thanks***
1). first and foremost.. if u feel it/say it/do it! - nothing is worse than loving someone, and never knowing how they feel about u. also, saying it is epic, but doing it is way better. doing it is also very easy. listen to them speak, learn what their favorite drinks, snacks, food, movies and music are. then surprise them with those things at random times. never do them when expected, and never announce that u are going to do them.. just do it. nothing says i love u, than a gesture of kindness that was unexpected.
2). WANT.. anyone can love someone.. u can love your brother, sister, mom, dad, pet, neighbor(it's in the 10 commandments, lol) friends, anyone. love isn't really a conscious effort. love happens and we have no control over it. want.. want is a decision that u make. u decide who u want in your life. u weigh the good/bad and make a decision to want that person around. if u want them, maybe instead of saying "i love u" all time, say "i want u". want doesn't immediately bring up a sexual connotation, it simply lets the other person know that u made the decision that, in some way, their life is enhanced or enriched by having u in it.
3). never let a day go by that u don't tell someone how u feel about them. that person may/may not reciprocate, they may be flabbergasted at the fact that u are opening up.. but never let em doubt ur heart for even one day. walls can be built in a day.. and everyday that u don't allow them entry into yours, another wall is built. walls are much harder to tear down, than they are to build. we also aren't promised anymore time on this earth than we have right this second.. tell someone how u feel. it's effortless, really, and makes someone's day.
4). HUGS.. hugs are way more intimate than kissing. hugs can make a bad day a good day. hugs can turn a bad situation good with one firm squeeze. hugs don't have to be reserved for kiddos, adults love them as well, and i'm pretty sure that the person u are in a relationship with, right this second, could use a big warm hug. hugs are taken for granted because people are too selfish..we can all use a hug...don't be selfish with them.
5). listen.. the person u are with is with u because of something u bring to the table, but there are a million and one fish in the sea, who also bring things to the table. if u wanna be the one fish and the only fish, u gotta listen. open your ears and CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! when u listen u will hear things u never heard before.. like... what u haven't been taking care of in the relationship, what u have been doing right, what his/her friends are saying about u or what he/she should do, u can hear in his/her voice all the words they aren't saying.. and when they stop talking and the silence begins screaming.. u better do some serious damage control, and it starts with listeining.
6.) Hear.. plain and simple.. no further explaination is needed... don't just listen...HEAR what's being said.. there are clues scattered out all around u.. HEAR...
7). Hand Holding.. holding hands is like a hug, a hug that u can take with u all day long and still use other fine motor skills like walking without tripping over each other looking silly. take your partner by the hand when u are walking and hold it. walk with them, beside them. showing your partner that u are their partner, not their worden, is easy, walk beside them hand in hand. that gesture let's them know u are gonna be there for them and u are WITH them.
8). OWNERSHIP...most things are our fault. guy or girl, most things are our fault. the problems in a relationship aren't just his/hers...they are ours. if there's an issue, u can bet that it took both of u to get to that point. you did something or they did something that caused a reaction, that caused another action or reaction.. stop it. recognize the problem, talk it out, and take ownersip of what u brought to the table. if it's your bad, why not accept it, apologize, fix it and move on? walls ..there's that word again.. walls are much easier to take down before the heart hardens.
9.) ATTENTION.. this is a biggie. attention will make or break anything u are trying to build in a relationship. if u don't give the other person attention.. rest asurred someone else will. that someone else doesn't even want your partner, they just wanna infiltrate and see how far they can string them along and how much trouble they can cause. the problem with that is, it isn't your partner's issue for getting attention from someone.. it's yours! we all want someone to ask us how our day was, we all want someone to sit with us and watch a movie or tv show, we want someone to BE WITH US!! if u have so much going on that u can't look at, and apprecite the person that u are with enough, to give them any attention.. perhaps.. there's an underlining problem. perhaps one of the other 8 points should have been addressed before now. attention is like breathing.. it should be done all the time to keep the relationship alive. you have to give it to get it. one person isn't going to be the ONLY one doing it ALL THE TIME. Attention isn't sexaul either, it's a combination of the other 8 points i've made. but without it, a relationship is set up for failure.
10). INTIMACY .. do this because u want to share something special with your partner. be intimate because of the connection u feel and acheive by being with them. wheather a deep kiss, making out or sex, don't make the other person feel like it's a chore.. but also don't make the other person feel like they HAVE to do it either. nobody has to do anything with u.. come on.. take a look at yourself.. would YOU do anything intimat...wait.. don't answer that.. lol.. but that MAY be a good thing, cuz if u aren't intimate for the right reasons, u will end up being intimate with yourself more than anyone else.
** i also know there are many many more steps here that i didn't address, but this is my blog, my mind and my words, so there.. lol... these are the things that have ruined relationships for me, so it's more a tool for me than anyone else.. thanks***
Your Heart
Where is ur heart,
Thought it was with me,
But there's a look in ur eyes,
Like u wanna be set free,
If u're gonna let me go,
It's gonna tear me apart,
But u gotta let me know,
Where is ur heart...where is ur heart?
Silence is screaming,
Can hear every word,
What we're not saying,
Why the lines are blurred,
Wanna know that u still Love me,
So I say it first,
Then I brace myself,
Waiting for the worst..
Where is ur heart?
If u're gonna say goodbye,
Take a look into my eyes,
Say it with enough conviction
To leave the tears in my eyes,
Where is ur heart,
Thought it was with me,
Thought we were different,
We would last... we would last,
Where is ur heart,
Guess I have 2 let u go,
But there's one thing u should know,
I Love u... and My Love is true...
Are we 2gether or apart,
Where is your....
Heart?.......
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Despondent
***disclaimer.... this is a work of emotional fiction***
as i lay here in this monumental moment of tranquility,
the heavy of the overwhelming thoughts are taking over me,
should i do the right thing, call a friend and lay it all out & honest,
or should i take another fucking pill until i'm cold .. and despondent..
1 just didn't do the trick,
the second didn't make me flinch,
the third may have made me drowsy,
but my nerves haven't calmed a single itch,
the .80 proof i've choses 2 help me chase them down,
has not caught up 2 the demons in my head,
so i'll keep shooting down,
why can i hear them calling into my ears,
"it's time 2 do what u most fear,
take another pill and drink my little darling,
till the pain is gone, 2morrow u'll be numb,
and yesterday will not be a memory..."
so i lay here in this monumental moment of tranquility,
i should be in bed asleep, but this silence is over taking me,
should i do the right thing, call a friend and lay it all out & honest,
or should i take another fucking pill until i'm cold.. and despondent..
i could take a walk 2 clear my head,
but my body feels paralyzed,
a symptom of these thoughts that make me wanna cry,
and i just don't have the paitence,
or the will 2 burden anymore,
i'm done ... i'm done... i'm done..
ask the audience,
phone a friend,
there's a 50/50,
this is my final answer,
2 rid this disease,
that spreads like a cancer,
26 years of tumors raging thru this broken heart,
i once was strong,
i once was strong,
i once was strong,
but some where i fell all apart.....
as i lay here in this monumental moment of tranquility,
the heavy of the overwhelming thoughts are taking over me,
should i do the right thing, call a friend and lay it all out & honest,
or should i take another fucking pill until i'm cold .. and despondent..
my hands are shaking,
the tears flowing like a flood raging from my ducts,
i'm trying 2 think, i cannot figure out,
just why in the fuck,
i alienate everyone i've ever known with fucking everything,
and i hurt, and i'm screaming out,
but nobody hears fucking anything,
don't take so many,... damn,
u're gonna fucking die,
don't wash them down with alcohol,
u're gonna fucking die,
u took too many damn...
u're gonna fucking die...
don't come 2 me crying..
when u fucking die....
all it would have taken was for u 2 look between the lines,
and ask..
why...
why..
why.
why
***disclaimer.... this is a work of emotional fiction***
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
LOVELAND
U may not fall,
But could u slip,
End up in my arms,
If u might lose ur balance,
U just might land in Love,
Maybe u can't let,
Urself go,
If u don't at least take a step,
U will never know,
U may not fall,
But u might trip,
And land in Love,
Land in Love,
Look me in the Eye and see,
That in my arms,
Is the only place that u need to be,
Land in Love,
With 2 lips 2 kiss,
And 2 hearts 2 become 1,
If u...Land in Love,
Could u close ur eyes and jump,
U could find urself,
In everything, that u ever wanted,
Forever, we're together,
If u slip, if u trip,
If u land in Love,
If u've ever dreamed,
In fairy tales,
If u've longed 2 be the Princess,
In the greatest Love story,
Ever seen,
Look at me..ur Prince Charming,
A man in Love...
Land in Love,
Look me in my eyes and see,
That in my arms is the only place,
That u need 2 be,
Land in Love,
With 2 lips 2 kiss,
And 2 hearts 2 become 1,
If u trip and slip u might fall..
And
Land..... Land in Love!
If u trip,
U might slip,
And If u slip,
U might fall,
Oh, and If u fall,
U might land,
Land in Love,
Look at me, u will see..
A man in love...
Stress
/I gave u 2 much power
/u gave me 2 much stress
/I gave u everything and all u gave me was a mess
/I stood steadfast and upright
/u preferred me sad & uptight
/I didn't wanna be mad,
I didn't wanna be embroiled in a fight
/u wanna point & click
/u wanna start some shit
/I just wanna get on with my life without having to tweet & Facebook it
/who gives a damn who I'm seein
/with whom I'm spending time
/ain't nobody ever gave a fuck before /when I was rubbing 2 pennies together trying 2 make a dime!
/so go on ur merry way and be fine no doubt
/cuz like Mary J I ain't wanting no drama
/and If that's what it's gonna be all about...
/fuck it..
/just sign em papers across that dotted line
/and move the fuck on with ur life /n let me move on with mine
/life is a highway no doubt
/and everything just comes 2 pass
/love everyone who's been in my corner
/the rest of y'all can kiss my ass...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Jesus Place
I wanna see ur face,
When I kiss u in ur Jesus place,
Make ur heart beat at a more rapid pace,
Breathing increases as ur lungs begin 2 race,
Licking every inch of u,
Starving 4 ur taste,
Drinking every drop n wanting more,
Leaving none to waste,
Convulsing, swearing,shivering,
When I kiss ur,
"Jesus place".
Thursday, September 6, 2012
51
"Blindfolded and writhing with
anticipation, she teases him until his erection is throbbing, begging for her touch... she longs to taste him but she keeps touching his spots watching, laughing and taunting as she makes her way to her knees, she asks.."how bad do u want me?!"
As she engulfs his manhood...he deep breath exhales.. as he can barely contain his eruption, her mouth soft and warm, cussing like a truck driving sailor, again, she asks "how bad do u fucking want me?!" "More than life itself!!" He answers as he explodes, over and over and over again...she doesn't stop, she is starving for everything he's got, his heartbeat accelerates and his blood pressure rises, he cannot contain another touch...she'll doesn't stop, she takes more than he's got, more than he can handle...when he finally subsides , she moves slowly up to his ear, she whispers.."how bad do u want me?!?!"
His only reply is in his lips when he meets her with a passionate kiss, and together they fall.. 2 bodies, 2 souls, 2 hearts....moving in tune, making Love, making hate...till 2...become 1"
2
"Over and over the thought of her hands caressing him slowly, awakens his erection, and causes his temperature to spike, he closes his eyes just in time to see her.. before him, working him with her fist, as she tells him of a fantasy he's had in graphic detail.
she pulls and strokes away as her words go deeper and naughtier, into his imagination until, he is too far gone to control himself.
he reaches for her, but she's not there, he opens his eyes just in time to see that the hand that has been giving him so much pleasure was his own, and he has been a victim, a pawn in a sexual fantastic fantasy, he continues his pace, and finishes in a heart skipping, mind blowing orgasm, that causes his whole body to spasm uncontrollably... "
3
..."Covered in his own sex, and unashamed, he rushes not to shower, but to call his lover, to confess his most intimate of sins.."
2Bcontinued...?
1,000 Kisses
I'd give u 1, I could give u a thousand,kisses...
would u be aroused then, would u then call me baby & say that u want me...
take me in ur arms,
lead me to ur bedroom,
take me from a boy 2 a man if I would let u...
would u say u adore me,
slowly explore me, make me close my eyes,
place urself before me,
touching those places, running all the bases,
Would u wanna take me there,
if I let u take me there...
cuz I could give u 1...
or I could give u a thousand.. kisses 2 get u aroused then...
I could give u just a lil more...
would u let me taste u?
Drink every drop like I'm dying of thirst,
I wouldn't waste ya, u got 1 but that's only ur first, shall I stay down there?
Keep kissing u round there,
spelling my name and writing u a song as u quiver and move to the beat of my tongue, could I use my fingers?
Could I use all of my mind?
Could I explore u,
would u tell me where 2 go 2 make u climb..the walls... the walls...
if I gave u 1 maybe a thousand kisses,could I make u climb the walls???
Accept Me
u saw the numb when I was trying to feel,
U saw the imperfections,
U saw the cracks that I was trying 2 fill,
And without transgression,
U saw the pain that I was trying 2 heal,
U looked me in the eye,
And without complication,
U....accepted... me broken....
U accepted me broken...
U saw the mess, I was trying 2 clean,
U saw the man inside of me,
U didn't blink, u didn't go,
U didn't push away, u held me close,
And u....accepted me....broken...
U accepted me...broken...
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Can't hold a candle 2 u,
I'm coming 2gether again,
And next 2 u..hand in hand I'll stand,
Cuz u...accepted me..broken...
U accepted me..broken...
u saw the numb when I was trying to feel,
U saw the imperfections,
U saw the cracks that I was trying 2 fill,
And without transgression,
U accepted me broken...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Ermagerten
Ermagherten..
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
u motherfuckers done started something,
i've been called up on 2 finish,
and dimish all u coward motherfuckers with sentence,
for instance, the moment that u will hear this,
u will fear this, move as far away as u can,
and never get near chris,
i'm at an all time high,
u're at an all time low,
and u know how it's gonna go,
if i sink down in to ur mode,
go into whore mode,
i'm fuckin' all y'all till u love me...
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
wow ain't no need 2 explain,
i'm a let me mind go and take out ya brain,
runnin' ya lips i'mma call out ya name,
i'll make u famous,
time 2 rearrange the game....
u really don't understand,
when u anger this man,
it's outta ya motherfuckin' hands,
what i'm a do,
but u're through,
u ain't got no chance,
last ride u gonna take,
the back of ambulance,
flatlinin,
they ain't gonna be revivin ya vitals,
the grand motherfuckin' hip hop champ is my title,
this is war on every level u ain't got no where 2 hide,
i'm a hungry cannibal i'ma eat u alive,
so the moral of the story is,
keep my name out ya 2 lips,
it ain't my fault u motherfuckers keep makin' me do this,
i was gonna be nice for a while,
write some love songs sit my ass back n smile,
and relax,
but u got me relapsin' to this entity,
and there ain't a motherfucker alive that can get with me,
fuck em, fuck jay,kanye, wayne and ross,
my name is maddladd and i'm the motheruckin' boss,
it's
Ermagerten!
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
u motherfuckers done started something,
i've been called up on 2 finish,
and dimish all u coward motherfuckers with sentence,
for instance, the moment that u will hear this,
u will fear this, move as far away as u can,
and never get near chris,
i'm at an all time high,
u're at an all time low,
and u know how it's gonna go,
if i sink down in to ur mode,
go into whore mode,
i'm fuckin' all y'all till u love me...
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
wow ain't no need 2 explain,
i'm a let me mind go and take out ya brain,
runnin' ya lips i'mma call out ya name,
i'll make u famous,
time 2 rearrange the game....
u really don't understand,
when u anger this man,
it's outta ya motherfuckin' hands,
what i'm a do,
but u're through,
u ain't got no chance,
last ride u gonna take,
the back of ambulance,
flatlinin,
they ain't gonna be revivin ya vitals,
the grand motherfuckin' hip hop champ is my title,
this is war on every level u ain't got no where 2 hide,
i'm a hungry cannibal i'ma eat u alive,
so the moral of the story is,
keep my name out ya 2 lips,
it ain't my fault u motherfuckers keep makin' me do this,
i was gonna be nice for a while,
write some love songs sit my ass back n smile,
and relax,
but u got me relapsin' to this entity,
and there ain't a motherfucker alive that can get with me,
fuck em, fuck jay,kanye, wayne and ross,
my name is maddladd and i'm the motheruckin' boss,
it's
Ermagerten!
Ermagerten,,,it's something that's never happened before,
Ermagerten..u motherfuckers wanted a war,
Ermagerten.. it's about to go down,
Ermagerten.. ain't nothin' u can do about it now..
Ermagerten,,,,
Sunday, September 2, 2012
good thing
i've been told.. good things come 2 those who wait,
i never believed.. cuz Lord knows i've waited..
ended up jaded every time,
anticipated,
a lifetime of never knowing anything good enough,
thought i'd never get 2 see what the real thing was,
there were nights i cried myself 2 sleep,
and just after i prayed my soul 2 keep,
i prayed for love..
i wanna be your good thing,
a promise made in a gold ring,
the perfect lyric in the song u sing,
u're one and only u're everything,
the one who saves u from a bad dream,
the one who's always on ur team,
when everybody's turned their backs,
the one u never have 2 ask..
cuz i wanna be your good thing,
i've been told that u gotta be good by yourself,
before u can be good for anyone else,
but that's just a crock of shit,
and i ain't believing it,
cuz there's a few things that i can't do,
by myself that i can with u,
like lookin' in your eyes,
see a reflection that i recognize,
feelin' the warmth in a first kiss,
a first time that feels just like this,
i wanna be your good thing,
a promise made in a gold ring,
the perfect lyric in the song u sing,
u're one and only u're everything,
the one who saves u from a bad dream,
the one who's always on ur team,
when everybody's turned their backs,
the one u never have 2 ask..
cuz i wanna be your good thing,
there's magic in the smile u smile at me,
puts the stars to shame the way u shine,
and i can't describe how i'm still living,
as many times as my heart skips a beat when u put ur hand in mine...
and that's wny..
i wanna be your good thing,
a promise made in a gold ring,
the perfect lyric in the song u sing,
u're one and only u're everything,
the one who saves u from a bad dream,
the one who's always on ur team,
when everybody's turned their backs,
the one u never have 2 ask..
cuz i wanna be your good thing,
i think we've waited long enough,
lets start gettin 2 the good stuff,
and all the happiness that life can bring..
let's get us some of this good thing....
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