"buried hot showers"

as I journey on thru therapy regarding my C-PTSD there are memories that I found that have been placed in a safe place to keep myself from remembering.  There are things so horrific that happened during the 4 years of terror, that my mind and soul just felt I couldn't handle dealing with.  I'm going to share just a couple of these, that didn't make my autobiography "Nevermind the Ugly 1".

  There was an afternoon, I think it was a Sunday, where Pat & Johnny had beaten me and "used" me over a long period of time, to the point that I had become angry and physically hurt enough to muster up some courage.  I resisted their demand, which set Johnny into an immediate rage.  Johnny had me come outside in the back yard, where there was a blue tarp on the ground, and a box.  I'm going to assume the box was a deep freezer box, or something of that sort.  I was told to get into the box.  I did.  Johnny proceeded to fold the tops of the box into each other to close it. I felt him pushing the box and it slid across the yard. Johnny told me.. "no one gives a shit about you, you little motherfucker and you will do what I say when I say or I can and will make you disappear!" "no one will come looking for you either, because the only 2 people who could give a shit less about you, are in jail!" with that, I felt him push again and there was a drop.  I then saw the dirt hit the top of the box and come in where I was sitting. Several minutes went by as the dirt kept filling the box and I thought I was going to die.  Johnny suddenly stopped and told me to get out.  When I pushed open the top of the box, I saw his intent.  The box was in a hole he dug in the yard and that's what the blue tarp was covering.  I was told that the next time I disobey, I would be in that box forever!...  I never disobeyed again. I was told I would die, and I believed it.

  There was another time, where I was pulled from the hall closet(where I was forced to spend the majority of my time), and thrown into the shower.  Johnny had the water on so hot that it was unbearable to the skin.  Johnny made me stand in the water until I fell.  I then sat in the shower as the scolding water hit my skin for several minutes.  When the water was turned off and I was allowed to get out of the shower, I couldn't walk.  My skin felt like it had been boiled off of the bone.  I could barely breathe and once it was determined that I wasn't going to be of any use to them in that condition, I was forced back into the closet.   To this day, I keep my water lukewarm, and not hot.  I can't stand the Hot water touching me at all. 

That's just 2 of the memories that are flooding back into my mind and as I move forward on this quest for peace, there will be more to deal with and more to remember.  4 years is a lot of time to cover, and i'm afraid that in order to find peace, I must uncover as much as possible to get it out of my system.  

peace...  It's just around the corner