Tuesday, December 18, 2012
CPTSD
I come to u humble and tired.. weak..breathing interrupted..longing for your acceptance...
longing for your approval... time and time again, u've turned me away, time and time again, u have turned your back on me... time and time again, u said.. get over it.. u dismissed me .. "pity party..table for one please!" was the excuse.. there's nothing wrong with me.. just wanted your attention.. i'm a seeker.. well.....
today was my first counselling session. Dr. Leslie was nice, and very easy to talk to. i was really scared and nervous to tell another adult about what happened to me. you see, most of the people i know, dismissed me as just being an asshole or being a big baby when it came to dealing with my past. For those of u that don't know what the hell i'm talking about, let's recap shall we.
from age 10-14, i was repeatedly sexually,mentally and physically abused almost on a daily basis. i was beaten so bad i would wake up in a hall closet not knowing where i was, only knowing i could taste blood in my cheek and mouth, and that my face was swollen and my eyes wouldn't open.
i've dealt with these things since escaping in 1989.
finally after making bad choices and self destructive decisions for most of my adult life, i decided to seek out help.
Dr. Leslie heard my story and she said that i have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
i've done countless research since i've been home today, and all of the symptoms fit me perfectly.
so i will be adding links and i will be posting as much info as i can get on this illness and tracking my treatments.
for starters, here are some great reads...
http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm
http://www.outofthefog.net/Disorders/CPTSD.html#CPTSDWhatItFeelsLike
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/pages/complex-ptsd.asp
http://ptsd.about.com/od/ptsdbasics/a/ComplexPTSD.htm
thanks for continuing to visit my blog and for the support.
MADD
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Christopher, First thank you for sharing your story and believe it or not just that simple first step in sharing and opening up is huge. I also have CPTSD and coming forward and just letting the world know how I feel about anything was so scary... I was told years ago that remembering and expressing the past was the second step in learning to live with CPTSD, but it is also the hardest. And trust me, it is. To this day, it is hard to find people to turst and express feelings to, most people just dont want to know or run from our past. Keep sharing and in doing so you will not only help yourself but help others.... Remember, "While there is no way to compensate for an atrocity, there is a way to transend it, by making it a gift to others". and that is what sharing does....
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