Fire and Ice

I'm just a snowflake,
u r the surface of the sun,
I might not have a chance,
but I ain't giving up,
we could go together & have something nice, 
a beautiful Love story about
fire...
and ice..

outta my league,
sure it's true that u might be,
but I think, if u'd look at me u'd see,
someone who cares,
someone who can be everything,
u'll ever need,

I gotta believe that someone has let u down,
and I just wanna lift u up...
show u a real, show u a real,
real love...

i'm just a snowflake,
u're the surface of the sun,
I might not have a chance,
but I ain't givin' up,
we could be together and have something nice,
a beautiful love story about,
fire...
and ice,

u don't have to over think it,
u don't have to ask your friends' opinion,
just think about the way I make u laugh,
and listen to the beating of ur heart,
whenever a smile starts to cross ur pretty face,
tell me what does it say....

cuz even tho i'm a snowflake,
and u're the surface of the sun,
i might be foolish,
but i ain't givin' up,
we could be together,
if u would only think twice,
a beautiful love story about,
fire and ice.....

u know that love doesn't come with all the obvious signs,
it could be the secret language spoken between ur heart and mine,
and who's to say it's not worth it, to give it a try,
oh why...... won't u give it a try.....

i'm a snowflake.. u're the surface of the sun,
i know i don't have a chance,
but i'm not ready 2 give up,
we could be together,
if u'd only give it a try,
a beautiful love story,
about....
fire and ice....

opposites sometimes attract like fire...and .... ice...

20 Years in the Making

could it be,
that ur smile,
makes me smile,
and makes the wait worth while,
could it be that it makes sense of madness,

could it be that just ur laugh by itself,
could take away half,
of the sadness..that I've felt,

I don't know what it is about u,
but i'm kinda diggin' the thought,
of what it could come 2 be,

20 years in the making,
I can't wait 2 see,
what could come of u and me,

making u laugh is not a task at all,
it's what comes natural,
and it echoes thru my mind,
like an angel singing,

ur disposition is so kind that I,
know that if we took the time,
we could make something of what seems 2 be there,

20 years in the making,
I can't wait 2 see,
what could come of u and me,

there's already chemistry,
I feel it,
I think that u feel it too,
and I believe that if we take our time,
really try and see it thru,
that u'll look at me when I look at u and all things will make sense,
and then....

20 years in the making,
there could finally be,
a u and me...

20 years in the making,
there could finally be,
a... u and me...

could it be,
that ur smile,
makes me smile,
and makes the wait worth while,

20 years in the making...

If u're reading this

If u're reading this...
I couldn't take no more,
This wasn't a life at all,
It was much more like a war,
If u're reading this,
I tried with all my might,
Thought I was strong,
But I wasn't strong enough to win the fight,
If u're reading this....

I finally got the nerve,
2 tell this world goodbye,
2 go out before this last tear,
Fell from my eye,
Couldn't keep the game face on,
Couldn't face the truth,
Couldn't go another day,
Did what I had 2 do,
So if u're reading this,
I'm already gone..

If u're reading this,
I loved u more than life,
I was far less than a husband should b,
But u were a good wife,
Kiss my babies,
Tell em daddy really tried,
But get couldn't escape the pain,
He had deep inside,

Tell my baby sis,
She was everything 2 me,
I did what I had 2 do,
2 make sure she was okay,
And tho I'm no longer here,
I'll be watching her grow old,
Ask her to keep a good memory of her weak and bigger bro,
If I've reading this.....

CPTSD

     I come to u humble and tired.. weak..breathing interrupted..longing for your acceptance...
longing for your approval... time and time again, u've turned me away, time and time again, u have turned your back on me... time and time again, u said.. get over it.. u dismissed me .. "pity party..table for one please!" was the excuse.. there's nothing wrong with me.. just wanted your attention.. i'm a seeker.. well.....



today was my first counselling session.  Dr. Leslie was nice, and very easy to talk to. i was really scared and nervous to tell another adult about what happened to me.  you see, most of the people i know, dismissed me as just being an asshole or being a big baby when it came to dealing with my past.  For those of u that don't know what the hell i'm talking about, let's recap shall we.

from age 10-14, i was repeatedly sexually,mentally and physically abused almost on a daily basis.  i was beaten so bad i would wake up in a hall closet not knowing where i was, only knowing i could taste blood in my cheek and mouth, and that my face was swollen and my eyes wouldn't open.

i've dealt with these things since escaping in 1989.

finally after making bad choices and self destructive decisions for most of my adult life, i decided to seek out help. 

Dr. Leslie heard my story and she said that i have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

i've done countless research since i've been home today, and all of the symptoms fit me perfectly.

so i will be adding links and i will be posting as much info as i can get on this illness and tracking my treatments.

for starters, here are some great reads... 

http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm

http://www.outofthefog.net/Disorders/CPTSD.html#CPTSDWhatItFeelsLike

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/pages/complex-ptsd.asp

http://ptsd.about.com/od/ptsdbasics/a/ComplexPTSD.htm


thanks for continuing to visit my blog and for the support.

MADD

Stand Still

Wheels spinning a left on sunset,
Riding round thinking bout all the shit that I ain't done yet,
Are We having fun yet?
Nah man, I really ain't been trying shit,
Motherfuckers bringing me down,
I gotta find my way up,
Waiting on this job so I can finally show this pay stub,
Bullshit at a peak,
Man It's waist up,
I Hope happiness ain't too far away,
I really need a taste of,
That good life,
Not being hungry,
Not havin to pay a damn bill,
All this mundane day to day,
Got me at a stand still...

Always Yes

will i,..

open doors and pull out chairs for u,
write notes to tell how much i care 4 u,
sing ur favorite song, while we slow dance,
the answer's always yes,

will i,

call u up and thank u for lovin' me,
buy u flowers "just because" randomly,
pick up ur favorite food on my way home,
and then clean up the mess,
the answer's always yes,

i do the things i do,
because i want 2,
and because i,
really want u,
2 know everyday, in every way,
that i'm blessed 2 be in your glance,
u took a chance on me,
and held me in ur arms,
u promised the moon,
and u gave it and all of the stars,
so u should know how loved u are,
and never have 2 guess,
so no matter what u ask of me,,,,

the answer's always yes

will i,

show up at your job with a picnic made,
take u 2 the park & kiss in the shade,
carve in that big ol tree.. u plus chris..
the answer's always yes,

will i,

answer the phone every time that u call,
twenty four seven it don't matter at all,
there's nothing 2 hide, nothing 2 confess,
am i faithful and true,
the answer's always yes,

will i,

get down on one knee if the feeling is right,
and ask u 2 be my girl 4 the rest of my life,
and pray like hell that in ur next breath,
the answer will be yes....

i do the things that i do,
because i want 2,
and because i,
really want u,
2 know everyday, in every way,
that i'm blessed 2 be in your glance,
u took a chance on me,
and held me in ur arms,
u promised the moon,
and u gave it and all of the stars,
so u should know how loved u are,
and never have 2 guess,
so no matter what u ask of me,,,,

the answer's always yes

i'm more than a man,
because i'm YOUR MAN,
and i'm gonna give u everything that i can,
2 show u just how much of my life u've blessed,
all u have 2 do is ask,
the answer's always yes,

i do the things that i do,
because i want 2,
and because i,
really want u,
2 know everyday, in every way,
that i'm blessed 2 be in your glance,
u took a chance on me,
and held me in ur arms,
u promised the moon,
and u gave it and all of the stars,
so u should know how loved u are,
and never have 2 guess,
so no matter what u ask of me,,,,

the answer's always yes


whatever u need from me,
the answer's always yes....

weekends in November

who's bed did i wake up in,
what the hell's her name?
after the second round of shots last night,
i can't remember a thing,

i'm not sure what town i'm in,
where did i park my truck,
since the day that u left me,
i just don't care enough,

3rd day of November,
2 me is a mystery,
text messages on my phone,
say it will go down in history,
but i,
can't remember where i was,
or what it was i did,
i was tryin' to get over u,
but it just ain't happenin',
so the 4th day of November..
gonna start all over again,

once i get myself home,
i'm gonna freshen up,
make a pot of ur favoite coffee,
have myself a cup,

then it's off to the tavern,
where i'll meet "what's her name".
we'll have a few then have another,
and then we'll play the game,

and when i wake up tomorrow,
lookin' for my shirt,
my stomach will be tied in knots,
and my poor heart will hurt,

but these nights are cold and lonley,
and i can't face them alone,
so i'll go out and have a few,
and wake up in another strangers home,

4th day of November,
2 me is a mystery,
text messages on my phone,
say it will go down in history,
but i,
can't remember where i was,
or what it was i did,
i was tryin' to get over u,
but it just ain't happenin',
so the nextr weekend of November..
gonna start all over again,....

i don't know why u left,
when i needed u most,
but the only thing i see,
is myself in the bar room mirror,
wond'rin what the hell is wrong with me,

some honky tonk angel,
is gonna try & take the pain away,
and for a minute i'll forget about u,
but tomorrow i'll be back to not ok...

3rd day of November,
2 me is a mystery,
text messages on my phone,
say it will go down in history,
but i,
can't remember where i was,
or what it was i did,
i was tryin' to get over u,
but it just ain't happenin',
so the 4th day of November..
gonna start all over again,

4rd day of November,
2 me is a mystery,
text messages on my phone,
say it will go down in history,
but i,
can't remember where i was,
or what it was i did,
i was tryin' to get over u,
but it just ain't happenin',
so the next weekend in November..
gonna start all over again,